Episode#8:
In Search of Something Meaningful, Anything:
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"It was a week ago. I remembers it as if it is happening right before my eyes. I do not know how this week passed. There is no flow of time for me, it is always night. I am not crying, I am not mourning. There is nothing to mourn about. The men who brought Wrath with them buried him and his father beside their cottage. I'm alone now. More alone than I ever was. After the men left I burned the house. I wanted to be free from the pain. It's enough. I had enough. I'm not afraid of anything. There is nothing worth living for. There never was."
She was walking along the road with these thoughts. Almost like a zombie with no expression on her face. In the past few days she had traveled so much. There was nothing around her, no trees, no water, just earth, filled with shit. Vultures were shading her way. As she was walking in the distance she saw a ruin and thought it would be a good place to spend the night. When she approached the old ruin she saw a young shepherd with couple of goats around him. The shepherd smiled when he got a glimpse of the girl and said,"Oh thank you my Lord."
With a coldness the girl replied,"If you come near me I will kill you."
The shepherd brought his hands forward as a sign of apology and said,"I apologize if you felt this way. I'm just a simple shepherd and right before you appear I asked my God for someone to talk to. You know I love my Goats but they can't respond to me. All they want is food. But there you are. God had send her most beautiful women on earth to keep my company. I could not be happier."
The girl cracked up and said,"Did you just called me beautiful? I don't even know how do I look like. Thanks."
The girl sat down in front of the shepherd. They look into each other eyes trying to read each others past. The girl finally broke the silent and asked, "do you really believe in God?"
The shepherd said, "of course I do. If I don't believe in God how can I live? I wouldn't know what to do. It's my purpose, it's my destiny, it's the truth, it's my hope, my fear, my strength."
"But what if there is no god, no heaven, no hell, no rewards, no punishments? Wouldn't your life become meaningless?"
The shepherd became silent. And then his eyes become wider and wider. He jumped from his sit and screamed at the girl, "you must be the devil, I felt your beauty wasn't natural. Get away from me." He ran away and left his goats with the girl.
The girl could not believe what just happened. Now she understood why her master lived in a forest, away from the so called civilized world.
"All life is meaningless. As meaningless as the life of these goats, insignificant, unfair, and filthy. There is nothing in this world worth living for … but there was something … Him! But he is gone now. All his life he tried to teach me I don't need him … but I do need him … no no no … he said I should find it in myself … he always knew this would happen … I don't know, I don't care. He is gone … STOP." She said it all out loud, and in the end the goats replied to her with a plain look. She could already feel the tears racing down her cheeks.
She looked at the stars and said, "there must be something … or nothing!"
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Episode#9: In Search of Patience
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