Episode#8: In Search of Something Meaningful, Anything

Episode#8:

In Search of Something Meaningful, Anything:

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"It was a week ago. I remembers it as if it is happening right before my eyes. I do not know how this week passed. There is no flow of time for me, it is always night. I am not crying, I am not mourning. There is nothing to mourn about.  The men who brought Wrath with them buried him and his father beside their cottage. I'm alone now. More alone than I ever was. After the men left I burned the house. I wanted to be free from the pain. It's enough. I had enough. I'm not afraid of anything. There is nothing worth living for. There never was."

She was walking along the road with these thoughts. Almost like a zombie with no expression on her face. In the past few days she had traveled so much. There was nothing around her, no trees, no water, just earth, filled with shit. Vultures were shading her way. As she was walking in the distance she saw a ruin and thought it would be a good place to spend the night. When she approached the old ruin she saw a young shepherd with couple of goats around him. The shepherd smiled when he got a glimpse of the girl and said,"Oh thank you my Lord."

With a coldness the girl replied,"If you come near me I will kill you."

The shepherd brought his hands forward as a sign of apology and said,"I apologize if you felt this way. I'm just a simple shepherd and right before you appear I asked my God for someone to talk to. You know I love my Goats but they can't respond to me. All they want is food. But there you are. God had send her most beautiful women on earth to keep my company. I could not be happier."

The girl cracked up and said,"Did you just called me beautiful? I don't even know how do I look like. Thanks."

The girl sat down in front of the shepherd. They look into each other eyes trying to read each others past. The girl finally broke the silent and asked, "do you really believe in God?"

The shepherd said, "of course I do. If I don't believe in God how can I live? I wouldn't know what to do. It's my purpose, it's my destiny, it's the truth, it's my hope, my fear, my strength."

"But what if there is no god, no heaven, no hell, no rewards, no punishments? Wouldn't your life become meaningless?"

The shepherd became silent. And then his eyes become wider and wider. He jumped from his sit and screamed at the girl, "you must be the devil, I felt your beauty wasn't natural. Get away from me." He ran away and left his goats with the girl. 

The girl could not believe what just happened. Now she understood why her master lived in a forest, away from the so called civilized world.

"All life is meaningless. As meaningless as the life of these goats, insignificant, unfair, and filthy. There is nothing in this world worth living for … but there was something … Him! But he is gone now. All his life he tried to teach me I don't need him … but I do need him … no no no … he said I should find it in myself … he always knew this would happen … I don't know, I don't care. He is gone … STOP." She said it all out loud, and in the end the goats replied to her with a plain look. She could already feel the tears racing down her cheeks. 

She looked at the stars and said, "there must be something … or nothing!"

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Episode#9: In Search of Patience

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Episode #7: In Search of Strength

Episode #7: 

In Search of Strength:

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"Wait, he died just like that?" The young boy asked.

The girl nodded and said, "he did, and his father as well, just a few hours later."

There was very long silence between them, they could only hear the wind as it was going between the trees. The young boy's brown eyes were flooded with emotions. He was looking at the girl as if she was a goddess, maybe Venus.  But the girl was not there. She was on a voyage deep in her memories of Wrath and his father, and her once loved family. They were gone now, she was on her own. Many years had passed since that night. She was not a little girl anymore. She started to learn the art of living, she became a strong women. 

The young boy was still confused. "Why did your master die? Did he say he was not afraid to lose the boy?" the boy asked. 

"And this was his final mistake, or maybe a lesson he wanted to teach me," Hope said with a smile. She continued, "he lost his strength and he couldn't live with out it. Me on the other hand, I lost my fear. I do not fear death but I'm not going to kill myself. The same feeling kept Wrath alive." Deep down she knew she was lying but the boy trusted her. 

"So what gives you strength?" Asked the boy, a pen in hand.

Hope stood up and prepared to lecture the boy about the world, and tell him of the stories she heard along the road. She naively thought she could become a master herself. She held her breath for a moment, to steady her speech, and said: "Fear and strength are connected. But we react differently to them. If you categorize something as your fear, you will try to avoid it. You try to protect. It makes you stronger, and at the same moment that you feel strong, you are in your weakest condition. If what you fear most happens in that moment, you will break." Hope closed her eyes to concentrate, to draw her attention away from the memories of that night. She continued, "Now consider this scenario; something gives you strength, it is everything you have. You don't even think about losing it because there is no life after losing it. There is no breaking. There is just nothing after it. That's what happened to my old master. It's dangerous to put your strength in something so vulnerable. Put your strength in something that you cannot easily lose."

The boy asked, "but you didn't answer my question. What gives you strength?"

"In my life I've met many people, I asked this question over and over. To my surprise many people are similar to the old man, they drew power from their family. They live for their loved ones. Some naive humanist would suggest the morality and goodness of human nature or something as meaningless as god. However, we all know these ideas are as rotten as this world itself. Before all of these experiences I would have said knowledge gave me strength. I thought it was a very good one since you can't lose it, but of course I was very young and naive. My memories are flooded with mistakes. The only other answer I consider reasonable, but I cannot accept, is beauty. I can't believe in it. It's beyond me. What gives me strength? It wouldn't be fun if I just told you, would it?" And the girl walked away from the boy with a pen. 

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Episode#8: In Search of Something Meaningful. Anything

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P.S Credits to a friend who helped me in my search for strength.

Episode #6: In Search of Fear

Episode#6:

 In Search of Fear:

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It was a dark night in the forest. The only light was coming from the small cottage beside the trail. The old man was sitting on his chair. His eyes were following the shadow of the girl pacing around the room. Her shadow was dancing with her, like a lover. She finally stopped and asked the old man,”Why did he have to go this late? We know it’s not safe.”

The old man smiled and asked,”Why are you so worried?” 

“Why? Because I care about him. What if something happens to him?” The girl said that while a small tear coming down her cheek. 

The old man stood up and came to the girl. He whispered, ”What are you afraid of?” 

Their eyes were fixed on each other. The girls eyes were a burning sea, ready to flood down her face. The girl closed her eyes and asked, “What should I be afraid of? What are you afraid of?”

“You are too young. I’m not afraid of anything. I learned the flow of life. Everything will go in the way it must.”

“You are not even afraid of losing the people you love? I can’t even think about the day that he wouldn’t be here”

“He is my strength, not my weakness.”

The girl was not crying anymore. She was surprised. The old man was so strong. Wrath always talks about him as if he is a ignorant old fool who wasted his life; while she sees him as a strong and wise master.

The old man put his hand on the girls shoulder and said, “Do you want to know what Wrath is afraid of? He told me once, after we found you.”

The girl sat down on the chair and said, “please tell me!”

“He said he is afraid to lose ...”

“Lose me?” The girl interrupted the old man.   

“No, silly girl. How can he lose something he doesn’t have? He cares about you, but he is referring to his condition. His state of being. He is afraid of failure.”

“I don’t understand. He has control over himself. He can’t just change by accident.”

“There are triggers that might make him disappear.”

As the man was telling his story, somebody knocked on the door. The girl ran to the door and opened it. The old man closed his eyes in comfort, but right after he heard the girl screams; he turned around and saw two men holding a body. It was Wrath. One of the men in the doorway said, ”we found him on the road. He only said something about the cottage and the bear cub. He passed out right after. Please we have to help him.”

The old man was silent. He put his hand on his chest, trying to rip off his heart and collapsed on the ground. 

The girl could not scream anymore. Her face was completely wet. She grabbed the boys face. It was cold, very very cold. He was gone. 

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Episode#7: In Search of Strength

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