In Search of Life

Episode xx: In search of life,

"We have evolved, like everything else, and we are constantly evolving. The force of selection is still working on us, but much slower than forces of our social life. Now do you want to be part of this constantly evolving, constantly changing life?" The man said. He looked at the girl sitting on the side of the room. She was beautiful. She had yellow hair.
Silence filled the room. No one said anything, no one even moved. The man continued, "Am I that boring? the answer is that we don't have a choice. Like it or not we will all contribute to the evolution of our species. Some of you might have a few children, contributing to the gene pool. Even our so called altruistic behaviour is part of our selection force. Self sacrificial genes cannot be favoured, but self sacrificial individuals are favoured in most societies. If you are not contributing to the gene pool, or you are not helping anyone, why do you live? Why don't you kill yourself?"
Silence was still there. No one moved. The man looked at his watch and said, "Thank you all for listening. I hope you found this intellectually satisfying. If you have any questions I'll be around for a few minutes."
Everyone started to leave. Three students came to the man, a white girl with red hair, tall, and skinny, a half black, very muscular boy, and the blond girl. The first one was the red head girl, she asked, "I have a question what do mean by self sacrificial individuals are favoured, but self sacrificial gene cannot be favoured."
The man said with a smile, "That's the notion of selfish gene. The basic natural selection is maximizing survivability and reproduction. The altruistic behaviours were first seen as an unexplainable phenomena. But as soon as we realized genes were involved we saw that individuals who sacrifice themselves for the sake of their genes are common. "I would happily give my life for 2 siblings, 4 grandchildren, or 8 cousins". It's a quote from a biologist, Haldane. Its a notion of kin selection. It basically means we will favour our genes, but not our selves."
The male student was next, with a smirk on his face he said, "So are you suggesting we are selfish beasts and we are not created by God?"
The man heard this questions so many times, so he just recited his usual answer, "I am just teaching you what is there in the scientific community, it has nothing to do with my beliefs. And my beliefs are my own. I would appreciate if you hurry up, there are still people waiting."
The last was the girl. She smiled, a warm smile. She said, "I'm glad you are alive. You scared me back there. You haven't changed."
The man said, "No dear, I have changed. But as we discussed before I am low on Serotonin. No matter what happens I will have the same attitude."
"I'm sorry to hear that, old friend." Those were the girl's last words.    

Comment

 Anonymous said...

خشم رو اون موقع میشه درک کرد که میبینی کشورت رو عقب مانده فرض میکنن
خشم رو اون موقع میشه درک کرد که
میفهمی مردم بازیچه ی اند
خشم رو اون موقع حس میکنی که میبینی مشتی خائن واکثریتی نادون سرمایه های کشور رو به باد میدن
اما باز با این وجود بر میگردی و پیش خودت میگی راه چاره ای هم هست؟

You know last night I was a at dinner party with a friend and some people I didn't know. There were a few iranians there, so as usual we started to talk about politics. Obviously when we were talking about Iran I didn't say a word about my beliefs, just reciting facts. What was interesting was the ideas of the girl sitting beside me. She kept saying the love for iran is in your blood, you didn't choose it but its you, you want to talk about it, you want to protect it. And the whole time I wondering about two things, first how can I get more wine, and second would she shut up! I'm scared these days. Of the inevitability of the war, of economical situation of my family and I. But more than anything else I'm scared because I don't really care what happens to them, or Iran for that matter. I'm scared of myself! These are just some people, some organism, only my experiences with them distinguishes their lives from the chicken I had for lunch. So I'm not looking for a solution for them, I'm looking for a solution for me! How can I help others, not how can I help Iran, or my family. To be honest I already feel they are gone! 

Sorry, this does sound cold! 

Good Luck!...

یک بار دیگر

شاید بشود باری دیگر به زیبایی گذشته با این کلمات بازی کنم. می دانم که امروز آن روز نیست. اما من به یاد ندارم چه طور  می نوشتم. شاید زیبا بود. امروز سری به گذشته زدم، مقاله، دل نوشته، و عکسهایتان را دیدم. می دانی دلم برای تو تنگ شده. اما می دانی هیچ وقت نمی خواهم به کشورت بازگردم. همه آن گونه از ایران سخن می گویند که انگار برای او زندگی می کنند. می دانی از نظر من کشورت چیزی جز یک قرار داد از پیش تعیین شده نیست و من و تو با شانس در آن به وجود آمدیم؟ به چه افتخار می کنی؟ از من بشنو دلبر من، گذشته چیزی برای تو ندارد. در تمام عکسها و فیلم هایمان هیچ از خودم نیافتم. من نبودم! هیچ جای آن. چرا؟

این زبان پارسی را در پس ذهنم به خاک خوردن محکوم کردم. هر چه از آن می دانستم فراموش کردم. اما تنها حسی که دارم عذاب وجدان است که این زمان را بجای خواندن بیو کمیستری به نوشتن این نوشته می گذارم. به راستی زندگی عجیب است. 

باشد روزی بیاید که تو این را بخوانی و به جای اینکه به وطن فروشی من فکر کنی، دیدگاه من را بفهمی، خشم مرا درک کنی. مرا به چیزی که وجود ندارد محکوم نکن!

دوستتان دارم دوستان قدیمی.

آبتین

Episode #10: In Search of Someone, Anyone!

Episode #10:
In Search of Someone, Anyone!
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-"Hey... Look over here ... Look I'm here ... Can't you hear me? Look at me ... please look at me."
-"I've been looking for you ... I'm here ... Look at me"
-"Over here"
-"Hey"
All these sounds were just a buzz in her ear. She whispered,"I can't see anyone ... I'm alone ... Please someone ... Anyone"
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Episode #11:
In Search of Empathy

Episode #9: In Search of Patience

Episode #9: 

In Search of Patience:

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The burning sun made the thirst harder to endure. She ran out of water a few hours ago. The thirst was killing her. She felt dizzy and her eyes could not see well. She said to herself, "keep walking, keep walking. I can't die here." She kept walking through the dessert, for hours, but she reached nowhere. She was lost, without any sense of time. Her eye's started to darken, and she fell.

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"shhhh, just wait here and don't move." Wrath said to Hope. They were in the forest, hiding behind a tree. 

"Why are we here?" Hope asked while clinging onto Wrath's hand. 

"We are going to see something extraordinary. But only if you stay quiet. If you move you would put both of us in danger." Wrath said and went to the other side of the open area behind the tree. He had a gun with him. 

While each of them were hiding behind a tree a bear came out with her little cub. Out of surprise the girl moved and made a sound. The female bear roared and charged toward the girl but before going far a bullet went through her head and she fell right before the girl. The scared bear cub ran to the mother and cling to its corpse. Wrath came out of his hideout while shouting,"What the hell was that? What gave you the idea to…" but with the glimpse of the girl he lost all his rage. Hope was immobilized, her eyes were as big as a cup. She could not even cry. The boy sat beside Hope and held her tightly. After a few minutes her ice melted. She sightly moved and the tears started to race down her cheek. Wrath quietly whispered,"patience my love, patience."

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"Hey miss, can you hear me? Try to open your eyes". Hope tried to open her eyes but she could not!

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"Come on, let me read it." Hope was trying to have a glimpse of the paper which the old man was holding. The old man hold the paper back and said, "no, child. It's too early. You wouldn't understand it."

"Master please, just let me have a look. I always wished to read your writings. I heard you are great." Hope begged the old master. 

"And what would you learn from it if I show it to you?" The old man eyes were putting weights on the girl and brought her down to her knees. 

"But master if I don't read it I won't learn anything. Please let me" The girl pleaded. 

"There is something what you can learn. Contain your excitement for a year. On this day a year from now I would let you to read this story. Patience is the key to achieve anything." The master added,"Also contain the same enthusiasm." He left the room with a smile. 

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"Water… water"

"Here, just drink slowly. Please try not to move. Just rest."

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"It has been a year now. I have waited a whole year. I thought about it every night. I scratched 364 lines on a tree. I'm dying to read it." The girl said with joy. The old man was happy to see the girl bursting apart out of excitement. Her joyfulness in the past year kept the house alive. 

The old man handed her the paper. The moment she was unfolding the paper every muscle in her face was flexed. But then they all dropped, she looked up with dead eyes. The Old man was still smiling. Hope said,"I think you gave me the wrong paper. There is only one word in it and it's wisdom. I thought I'm going to read you writing."

"Well this is my writing. And yes, life is cruel. You waited all this time for nothing. You gain nothing. There is no meaning, no reward, no gratitude. Nothing for this long wait and the energy you wasted on waiting for this. You fooled yourself. Sometimes no matter how long you wait, there is simply nothing there to gain." The old man took back the paper and teared it apart in front of the girl. The old man walked away and the girl did not move.

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Episode#10: 

In Search of someone, Anyone!     

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Episode#8: In Search of Something Meaningful, Anything

Episode#8:

In Search of Something Meaningful, Anything:

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"It was a week ago. I remembers it as if it is happening right before my eyes. I do not know how this week passed. There is no flow of time for me, it is always night. I am not crying, I am not mourning. There is nothing to mourn about.  The men who brought Wrath with them buried him and his father beside their cottage. I'm alone now. More alone than I ever was. After the men left I burned the house. I wanted to be free from the pain. It's enough. I had enough. I'm not afraid of anything. There is nothing worth living for. There never was."

She was walking along the road with these thoughts. Almost like a zombie with no expression on her face. In the past few days she had traveled so much. There was nothing around her, no trees, no water, just earth, filled with shit. Vultures were shading her way. As she was walking in the distance she saw a ruin and thought it would be a good place to spend the night. When she approached the old ruin she saw a young shepherd with couple of goats around him. The shepherd smiled when he got a glimpse of the girl and said,"Oh thank you my Lord."

With a coldness the girl replied,"If you come near me I will kill you."

The shepherd brought his hands forward as a sign of apology and said,"I apologize if you felt this way. I'm just a simple shepherd and right before you appear I asked my God for someone to talk to. You know I love my Goats but they can't respond to me. All they want is food. But there you are. God had send her most beautiful women on earth to keep my company. I could not be happier."

The girl cracked up and said,"Did you just called me beautiful? I don't even know how do I look like. Thanks."

The girl sat down in front of the shepherd. They look into each other eyes trying to read each others past. The girl finally broke the silent and asked, "do you really believe in God?"

The shepherd said, "of course I do. If I don't believe in God how can I live? I wouldn't know what to do. It's my purpose, it's my destiny, it's the truth, it's my hope, my fear, my strength."

"But what if there is no god, no heaven, no hell, no rewards, no punishments? Wouldn't your life become meaningless?"

The shepherd became silent. And then his eyes become wider and wider. He jumped from his sit and screamed at the girl, "you must be the devil, I felt your beauty wasn't natural. Get away from me." He ran away and left his goats with the girl. 

The girl could not believe what just happened. Now she understood why her master lived in a forest, away from the so called civilized world.

"All life is meaningless. As meaningless as the life of these goats, insignificant, unfair, and filthy. There is nothing in this world worth living for … but there was something … Him! But he is gone now. All his life he tried to teach me I don't need him … but I do need him … no no no … he said I should find it in myself … he always knew this would happen … I don't know, I don't care. He is gone … STOP." She said it all out loud, and in the end the goats replied to her with a plain look. She could already feel the tears racing down her cheeks. 

She looked at the stars and said, "there must be something … or nothing!"

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Episode#9: In Search of Patience

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Episode #7: In Search of Strength

Episode #7: 

In Search of Strength:

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"Wait, he died just like that?" The young boy asked.

The girl nodded and said, "he did, and his father as well, just a few hours later."

There was very long silence between them, they could only hear the wind as it was going between the trees. The young boy's brown eyes were flooded with emotions. He was looking at the girl as if she was a goddess, maybe Venus.  But the girl was not there. She was on a voyage deep in her memories of Wrath and his father, and her once loved family. They were gone now, she was on her own. Many years had passed since that night. She was not a little girl anymore. She started to learn the art of living, she became a strong women. 

The young boy was still confused. "Why did your master die? Did he say he was not afraid to lose the boy?" the boy asked. 

"And this was his final mistake, or maybe a lesson he wanted to teach me," Hope said with a smile. She continued, "he lost his strength and he couldn't live with out it. Me on the other hand, I lost my fear. I do not fear death but I'm not going to kill myself. The same feeling kept Wrath alive." Deep down she knew she was lying but the boy trusted her. 

"So what gives you strength?" Asked the boy, a pen in hand.

Hope stood up and prepared to lecture the boy about the world, and tell him of the stories she heard along the road. She naively thought she could become a master herself. She held her breath for a moment, to steady her speech, and said: "Fear and strength are connected. But we react differently to them. If you categorize something as your fear, you will try to avoid it. You try to protect. It makes you stronger, and at the same moment that you feel strong, you are in your weakest condition. If what you fear most happens in that moment, you will break." Hope closed her eyes to concentrate, to draw her attention away from the memories of that night. She continued, "Now consider this scenario; something gives you strength, it is everything you have. You don't even think about losing it because there is no life after losing it. There is no breaking. There is just nothing after it. That's what happened to my old master. It's dangerous to put your strength in something so vulnerable. Put your strength in something that you cannot easily lose."

The boy asked, "but you didn't answer my question. What gives you strength?"

"In my life I've met many people, I asked this question over and over. To my surprise many people are similar to the old man, they drew power from their family. They live for their loved ones. Some naive humanist would suggest the morality and goodness of human nature or something as meaningless as god. However, we all know these ideas are as rotten as this world itself. Before all of these experiences I would have said knowledge gave me strength. I thought it was a very good one since you can't lose it, but of course I was very young and naive. My memories are flooded with mistakes. The only other answer I consider reasonable, but I cannot accept, is beauty. I can't believe in it. It's beyond me. What gives me strength? It wouldn't be fun if I just told you, would it?" And the girl walked away from the boy with a pen. 

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Episode#8: In Search of Something Meaningful. Anything

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P.S Credits to a friend who helped me in my search for strength.